shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
They took my balls.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
