if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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