It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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