I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
