I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
