I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
