he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
