not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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