ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
