When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
