im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
