filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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