woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I fill condoms, not promises.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
And then my night got REAL pukey
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
