u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
