I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
