Soap is not a condiment
Do vagina's smell?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
