i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
