if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
