I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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