mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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