that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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