I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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