bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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