I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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