I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
