What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
