Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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