bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
