I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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