i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
