Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
