Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
