I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You can't special order awesome
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
