check it out our google latitudes are spooning
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
my poor anus
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
