found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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