I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
