Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
