i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
