apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
