is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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