You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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