Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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