Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
