the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
