when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I met the friendliest cop last night
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
