I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
