Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
