I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
and you said cock pushups were impossible
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize