if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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