the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
it was like eating out sand paper
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
