Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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