I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
