Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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