Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
