I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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