the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize