Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Im part way to drunk.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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