Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
