You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
