Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
