dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
