the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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