Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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