I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
