you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
