You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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