you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
True strength comes from lack of pants
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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