Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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