His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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