Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
