3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
